Christmas..

Sigh*..It's Christmas again. I just don't like celebrating Christmas this year. I sort of not feeling, what they call, jolly and merry..or whatever. Maybe I'm turning myself into Grinch. You remember the green furred man, played by Jim Carey.
A sudden void growing inside me. I miss that someone. Jauh di sana..Shit!
I wanted to push this feeling away. I must be strong.

I'm Hired!!

It was 3 p.m, Wed when the HR Manager phoned me to inform that I was THE successful candidate for the interview that I went to 3 weeks ago..

Yahoo!! I made it, with not-so-many effort from me I guess. Haha..

When I was called up for the 1st interview, I was in state of shock. Firstly, I'm not ready to be interviewed cuz I felt so fuckin ugly..like really lame, dumb is more the appropriate word. I'm totally lost, the moment I get myself dressed up. Looking for cloths for the good impression is way harder than most of other things I can do. Rumbling around the room with tonnes of blouses, knee-length skirt (cuz I don't wanna appear flashy..hehehe) ..I decided to go conservative. Black sleeve with cream tube, arse-huggin skirt and my new heel..Ceh! I got heel..tak sangka pulak. Well, I'd actually keep it 'unwearable' for normal occasion. Strictly for something like this one. Importante! I was not worry about HOW the heck I m goin to answer the Qs, manI worried 'bout how I look. Well, I did read some Project Mgmt for Construction & Engineering notes beforehand..hhehehe..just to be safe la..

Soon as I reach there, I was way too early. Appointment was set on 2.30, but I'm there at one. Duh.. Luckily my brother' s there. So he "kawan" me to the canteen to get filled up and to talk about my interview.

Meeting the managers was a hell new experience for me. Talking to the big shots for projects and plants really sucked the confidence outta me. I was taken aback as I saw the four guys from different depts, key persons. Walaway..this is nerve-wreckin man!!

But yeah..I managed to cover my "scared face". And I kept on telling myself that this is just an interview, 'sesi memperkenalkan diri' and I'm here to 'promote & sale' myself. To show them I AM fit for the job. And I made it, finallyyyy*buat muka bangga*. After the 3 weeks penantian suatu penyeksaan this..hehehe.

Lain cerita..Somebody had underestimated me..baru2 ni. Let name 'em Ally and AJ. The two biggest suckers of all mother of gossips. I tell you, punyala me heart pain when I heard that they'd been talkin at my back. Mengumpatla.. Firstly, when they knew about my resignation and decision to get back here. They talked all BSs, busy-bodyily discussing about me, to my mom, like I can't take care of my ownself. Telling others that I'd been a bitch when I'm away in KK. Oh purlease la..get a life my dear..you know what I talkin about, rite?

Don't act tough like shit in front of me like I'm so kind of a loser. Youuuuu..have to look to YOURSELF. Like..get a job for Crysz sake. A real job. 9-5.

For cryin out loud..you're 25 years old and yet u still terkapai2 jobless.

I'm happy right now. I'm proud to be me. Perseverance. I learnt from the hard way, my dearest Ally and AJ.

Truth is..

People are strange, y'kno. I wonder what he thinks when he lied to me, playing tricks behind my back. F%#$ other chicks..Wah..
I recon that he loves to be hurt. He mentioned her over and over again along our conversation. Telling how he was badly
- treated by his ex. Like whattafark kan.
I concluded this is as what they call the 'transitional period' and I m... just one of his transitional girl. The kind who he needs to get over her, of all hatred and to fill in the emotional void.
I been trying to keeping up with him all this while. Tapi rupanya..what malay said..Ku sangka panas sampai ke petang..rupanya hujan pula di afternoon..Hahaha
I guess we weren't meant to be. Even if I think we did. Eventually, all of the things that we'd spent together were just a notion, mental images of make beliefs. So that I can trust him with all my body and soul..kononla.

I'm doin supercool here mister.

I'd burn all the things that could possibly remind me of you. Burn baby burn~~

If my friends asked me about you, I'll say..*** Who? Who the fark is he?

the dull & dumb life.

It's been 3 weeks that I'd been residing at home. One and only, my beloved yet the most boring place on earth..Yeah, u're right. Sipitang. It's the nearest district before Merapok, the border between Sabah & S'wak. If I ask my friends, "Yo, have u been to my hometown..Sipitang?'. They'll go like..*scratch kepala yg tia gatal first* "Sipitangggg???... where the heck is Sipitang?"
Yet somehow I wonder what makes me took such crazy decision to be back to my 'sarang'. I mean, y'kno. KK is way, a lot more..happening and fun place to be. Can go lepak-lepak at cool placesla, can meet a lot cool people..right?
But, hey..It's not that bad as what it looks. Physically yes.
I know one thing, everything's cheap. Food's cheap,eventhough it's not good as expected. And people are friendlier. I can go play pool and have few 'drinks' with my little brothers like we own the place. Double D or SS. I don't have to worry bout time, rushin' to go somewhere else which also means that I don't have to practically plan my day. Things are slower. And I eventually had fun. More than livin away from home.
This is what my good friend, Owen says, 'jalan2, and round2 kadai..pastu abis suda kita ukur tanah pekan Sipitang ni dowh'.
And of course I'll burst to laughter everytime she said that.
Hemm...What did I expect when I move back here? I want the tranquility..ceh.
Hoping things will be different. *Sighed*
***Wishing upon the stars***

This is my language..

Been consumed quite number of beer this weekend. My sore throat and fever ain't gonna stop me from going out with my cousin-sister-partner-in-crime, Ivy. Also got the chance to meet up with few of her friends which is..all I can say ‘orang lama’. God, anyways..I try not to be ’sarcastic’ in front of them. For I’m fully aware that I can be a bit of ‘celupar’ when I converse with others. Tried hard to be as polite as I can, but somehow along the way I burst out. Hahaha..I knew this would happen whenever I go out with her. Especially if I got myself under the influence. ayoo..
We and our own native language..in command.
It’s been so long since I talk 100% Lundayeh. Except if I go balik kampungla, then I will talk Lundayeh with ma’. With her, Ivy I can always practice my not-so-fluent Lundayeh and ‘talk back’ if something ‘interesting’ caught our attentions. Woman..can't do much about it.
So there was this one guy, (no name mention here) who sort of ‘miang’ la..y’kno. He's a good friend of my cousin’s BF. From the way he talks, I can see how ego this guy was. I'm not trying to being judgemental here but hey..It's so obvious ba! Telling all about his ‘possession’ and stuff like me gonna melt down and bow my knees to him. WTF?? I know, some guys are like that not all la. The kind who uses his materials to flattered the females. But not me, dude. I’m sorry.
Ok back to my main point. Many think Lundayeh is a ‘weird’ language. Even my roomies said, the lang sound a bit like Siamese..really ah? If you caught a chance to hear how we speak our native language only you understand how beautiful our ‘bala’ is. The softness of the pronounciation.
I still reminisce when I was little how my late grandma sitting near the house parlour telling us folklores while she was singing in a mellow voice, everytime I go to her place. She even taught me how to play Kelinang, Tawaks, most of the musical instruments. And now I feel so rugi cuz I never took the lesson seriously.
Wah..talking 'bout this makes me miss my kampung only.
Anyhows, I planned to throw a session with all my close friends before I head off home. But before that I still gotta do a lot of things, related to my body and soul. Yerp..looking forward for it.Soon, if u notice something strange in me. Just..smile okay. Need not to advice nor to judge me in future.
Weellll…I have high hope that my future generation will continue speaking our language and yet to relive the Lundayehs community..So, anun bala? do keleh’?

Disturbia

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum (What's wrong with me?)
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum (Why do I feel like this?)
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum(I'm going crazy now)
No more gas in the rearCan't even get it started
Nothing heard, nothing saidCan't even speak about it
Out my life out my head
Don't want to think about it
Feels like I'm going insane
Yeah
It's a thief in the night
To come and grab you
It can creep up inside you
And consume you
A disease of the mindIt can control you
It's too close for comfort
Put on your break lights
We're in the city of wonder
Ain't gonna play niceWatch out, you might just go under
Better think twice
Your train of thought will be altered
So if you must faulter be wise
Your mind is in disturbia
It's like the darkness is the light
Disturbia
Am I scaring you tonight
Your mind is in disturbia
Ain't used to what you like
Disturbia
Disturbia
Bum bum be-dum
bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Faded pictures on the wall
It's like they talkin' to me
Disconnectin' phone calls
The phone don't even ring
I gotta get outOr figure this shit out
It's too close for comfort
It's a thief in the night
To come and grab you
It can creep up inside you
And consume you
A disease of the mind
It can control you
I feel like a monster
Put on your break lights
We're in the city of wonder
Ain't gonna play nice
Watch out, you might just go under
Better think twice
Your train of thought will be altered
So if you must faulter be wise
Your mind is in disturbia
It's like the darkness is the light
Disturbia
Am I scaring you tonight
Your mind is in disturbia
Ain't used to what you like
Disturbia
Disturbia
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Release me from this curse I'm in
Trying to remain tameBut I'm struggling
If you can go, go, goI think
I'm going to oh, oh, oh
Put on your break lights
We're in the city of wonder
Ain't gonna play nice
Watch out, you might just go under
Better think twice
Your train of thought will be altered
So if you must faulter be wise
Your mind is in disturbia
It's like the darkness is the lightDisturbia
Am I scaring you tonight
Your mind is in disturbia
Ain't used to what you like
Disturbia
Disturbia

ChChCh..Changes

Everybody needs changes in their life. I really need one now. Pronto!!..Being in shit hole ain't a nice feeling to have, y'kno. And I think I might go cuckoo if I carry on my life this.

I can't blame YOU. I realized that I'd made some stoopid decisions and NOW.. I gotta face the consequences. Being the mistaken.

To Mimie, I'm very sorry that I took such unimaginable decision. But I will come back for a blasting sessions, I promise you that. And, and we can always see other on the weekends ma..hehehe..

I'm looking for a new perspective. To unwind and yet to rediscover my trueself there. I hope so.

To that person, who think you were responsible for this, it's okay. I never blame you, dude.

I can only hope and pray for your happiness and well being.